Although my mother’s passing took a toll on me, I was prepared and at peace with that. We had seen it coming for months. However, being at the hospital for such a prolonged time at my current state (while seeing her wither away) burnt me out. It burnt me out really bad. As I mentioned earlier, I had done too much too soon and I was already on the brink of burning out when she was hospitalized.
While I was at the hospital, it was like sitting in a bright buzzing bowl with all of the surroundings creeping up on you. It was exactly as it was at my previous worst when my organs were failing and I had a small tumor on my brain stem (it’s now gone, but still healing, thereof my sensitivity issues.)
I was mentally exhausted and the only thing keeping me on my feet was my weight training at the gym. I could manage 30 to 40 minutes in the morning when it was mostly empty. Beside that all my previous symptoms came back and suddenly my sleep started to suffer. I have never had problems with sleep before in my life, but now I could only sleep one or two hours before waking up, and getting back to sleep could easily take another hour or two. From sleeping an uninterrupted 7.5 to 9 hours a night, I was now sleeping 3 to 5 hours a night with just as many interruptions. This not only contributed more to my exhaustion, but it also severely slowed down my ability to heal and recover.
At this point I noticed that the mental exhaustion and sleep deprivation affected my personality and how I treated my loved ones. And while it sunk in, I decided to take a break from everything and focus on healing – thereof my absence. I closed down Facebook, Instagram, Messenger, and anything relating to social media and instant messaging that could easily turn into work and/or stress – negatively affecting my recovery.
For a couple of months, my days was centered around 30 minutes of weight lifting five to six days a week and three to four walks a day with my wolfdog – often totaling more than 15 kilometres a day (10 miles.) After a few weeks, I also did a little bit of reading and some meditation. That was all that I could manage.
Since I could do some weight lifting, I needed something to work towards, and I set a goal to re-gain as much of my muscle mass as possible.
From weighing only 62 kg (136 lbs.) in February of 2020, I hit 80 kg (175 lbs.) in late July. I was about 73 kg when I took my break starting in early June, so 7 kg (15.4 lbs.) was gained in June and July. This is slightly more than I weighted in 2016 – and most of my strength came back, as I did a 3-rep barbell shoulder press with 105 kg (231 lbs.) the other day.
In late July, I could restart my over-sensitivity rehabilitation at the office, which also meant that I started writing again – mostly on the second part of my story. There will however be some mini-articles in the future (posted here on Facebook as usual.)
I’m now pretty much back in the right head-space and I have some energy during the day. In other words, I will slowly get back into things. However, the keyword here being “slowly”. The road to recovery is never a straight line, but there is no reason to take unnecessary turns.
Feel free to post questions in our Fasting Lifestyle group. I’ll get to them when I have time. And only contact me via messenger if it’s urgent and you really need my help and are willing to pay for my time. Thank you for reading and understanding.